So our son is now a year old. My fathering skills have had a year to grow. I am not sure how much better I am that I was a year ago but I know that I am faster at changing diapers and according to +Mark Zubert I am a pretty good at humming.
In the past few weeks I have become more aware of the people around me. I have started to notice how people look at me and how they then look at me when I am with my son. Many of them will not approach me or talk with me. Maybe it is the crazy beard? If people that have questions would be willing to come and ask or talk with us I would be more than happy to share our story. It is a pretty awesome story if I do say so.
No one reads this blog but just in case someone does I would like to share a few things with you from an adoptive fathers perspective:
1. If you would say it to a family with biological kids then it should be ok to say to adoptive families.
- A lady came up to us the other day and said, "Boy is he so lucky to have you guys." But I did not see other families get that as well. I feel that it is being said to us because my son is adopted. Yeah he is lucky to have great parents, but are not all our kids lucky to have parents that love them and love each other. Are they not all lucky to have people care for them and love them without bringing harm to them? Is he really lucky or is it the blessing of God? Does God just know what we need better than what we do?
2. Ask questions do not give statements.
- I think that this is something that people do not think of. Rather than asking you about your story and process they give statements that then make us as adoptive father's pull back with a sting of pain. I would love to answer questions that people have and I try to understand that at times most people are ignorant of adoption and all that goes into it.
3. Watch what you are saying...
- I think that it is easy for some people just to say things because they think it might be funny. Our family is transracial and so we deal with racial comments once in a while. I was talking with my wife and we started talking about the various things that have been said to us or our son over the past year. People will say things to him because of his race that they think is funny. How do we handle it? We have to handle it different than other things especially now that he is starting to get the point of understanding what is being said to him. Some people do not mean to be mean but are. They are ignorant of the idea that their words could be hurtful. We as his parents have a chance to show him how he can react to these comments. We can react with humor and then he will use that to deflect pain. We can use anger to deflect these comments but then he will use anger and that is not something that we want. Or we can show him how to explain who he is and what his story is to people, to stop the ignorant comments and bring knowledge to them.
I love being a father...Yes I am a father of a child who skin color is not like mine but that is similar to so many people today. I ask that before you make a comment stop and ask how this is going to come off. I love to tell our story and answer questions people have. I never know who could benefit from our story or who could be in a place I was just a few years ago. What does God have for us? I have no idea but I am excited to share it with you.
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