In a pit with a lion...

It is odd when you are feeling like you are being chased? I remember as a teen playing capture the flag at night on a college campus. When I knew someone was coming after me the last thing I wanted to do was turn around and go after them.

Our fears in life can be overwhelming at times. In my life I tend to be this way in many areas of my life. I have found ways to attack this and it comes from an odd portion of scripture.

In 2 Samuel 23 the writer is talking about the men that go to battle with King David. As you might expect he has the best of the best, but a few of them are his main men, his mighty men, as it were. They give the resume of these men in this chapter and one warrior Benaiah has a really crazy resume.

The story picks up in verse 20 by telling it like this:

Benaiah son of Jehoiada, a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, performed great exploits. He struck down Moab’s two mightiest warriors. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion. And he struck down a huge Egyptian. Although the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, Benaiah went against him with a club. He snatched the spear from the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own spear. Such were the exploits of Benaiah son of Jehoiada; he too was as famous as the three mighty warriors.

Did you catch that? He was being tracked by a lion, it falls into a pit, and he goes back after it, jumps into said pit, and kills it. He climbs out.

Far to often in my life I do not go after my fears and take them out when I have the chance. I run away hoping my "lion" just stays where it is at in the pit. However it was just temporary and in no time I am being chased again by my fears.

Secondly, I have started to surround myself with mighty warriors. I was asked why people need community or church. This is why, King David is stronger with his mighty men and valiant warriors. I am stronger with my mighty men and valiant warriors walking with me in life.

So what is the lion that is chasing you? What will you do when it falls into a pit? Continue to run and hope it does not return? What about jumping into the pit? Maybe grabbing a few of your warriors and going after this. Calling on your Abba to go after this lion with you. I believe we are better together because we are made for community.

This week:
Find one or two mighty men/women to walk with you in battle.
Identify the lion of fear/worry/doubt that is chasing you.

Ryan

Refusing to live...

Many of you know that I work in hospice. I have been working as a hospice chaplain in Iowa for a year and a half. It has been full of good days and difficult ones. During this time we have been part of a church plant in Marshalltown, IA. While here we have had the chance to meet some great people. Something is there, the idea of refusing to live. This does not mean that physically they are giving up. What this does mean is that the people around us are just there, some of us are half in but in reality they are not really living in all that they are called to. I have lived this way at times in my life, only half way with God. What this really looks like in our lives is refusing to live...I have at times lived yet not lived out what God has called me to.

In Revelations 3:16 we are told that we are to either be hot or cold. That God does not want us to be on the fence with what we are or where we are going. What he is telling the people, is that God wants them to live. When I dug into this I really started to see what God wanted for me. I started to understand who God really wanted me to be. That there was more to life than just doing things my way. That I was called to be HOT or COLD for Christ. 

Are we going to be the HOT water that brings healing to those around us. To be the hot springs of warmth and soothing to those around us that are in need of healing. I have been there, I have been around those in my life that have prayed with me and walked with me as I needed someone to help me heal and be RESTORED. 

Or was I going to be a refreshing blast of cold water on a hot day. I remember growing up on the farm and needing a cold drink of water on a hot day. What is great is when you are living your life out for Christ and you get to breath this type of refreshing life into a someone's life. 

Since you are neither hot or cold I am going to spit you out of my mouth. -God (Revelations 3:16). This is what Refusing to Live looks like. I have lived like this and at times I need to check my life to see where I am at. One of the great things that I have had a chance to witness is getting to know people that are near death. They have nothing to worry about but living. They have shown me what it looks like live a life. 

I challenge you to try it for one week and see what happens. Give your life over to God and move from refusing to live to a place where you can live a life that is going to bring healing or refreshing life into a life around you.

Pastor Ryan

Starting New in an Old Place

Sarah and I have been feeling for the last two years that something was coming. We did not know what but we knew that it was going to be a transition for both of us. What we thought was that I would get into a Chaplain Residency position here in the Twin Cities and then transition into a full time role or that I would get on at a church full time. During this time we completed the adoption for our first son, adopted our second son, and I finished my MDiv.

In November I was challenged to pray with boldness about things God had on my heart. One of the things that I prayed for was for our adoption to have placement by December 24th. We had placement on the 17th and were home two days later. God moves when we pray with boldness.

In January I was emailed and asked if I would be willing to interview for a Chaplain job, I agreed and did the interview and a week later they offered my the job. After negotiating the salary and praying over what God had for us and our family, I accepted the job as a Hospice Chaplain.

This was one of the hardest decisions we have had to make. But God does not ask us to make easy choices. The MISSION that God is on is the RISK that we can take. So in the next month or two we will pack what we have, sell our house, finalize Titus' adoption, and move to IA. I will start working in Des Moines late April and transition down there when we can.

We will miss our church in Osseo a lot. We have been here for 6 years. Sarah and I have grown as pastors, grown as a family, and learned to work through difficult issues. Our sons have come home while at this church. They are family and friends.

God has great plans for Osseo and I will watch and see what God does and cheer them on.

Starting New in and Old Place. Please pray with us that God will show His glory this next month and knock our socks off.

Ryan

I have finished...sort of.

Yesterday afternoon 11/12/14, I submitted my final papers for my final Mdiv class. I was trying to remember the date I wrote my first paper but could not so I went back to see when it was. On May 16th 2011 at 8:53pm I wrote and saved my first paper. So around three and a half years later I have finished the race that I set out to start. The first semester was not all that bad it was a fun class and I was getting to know so many people. However I remember looking around the room to see who was in there. As I looked to my left and right and listened to the people share and talk I was starting to get the sinking feeling that I was WAY out of my league here.

On my left was a guy by the name of Jack McClelland he was so smart and I was doing all that I could to keep pace with him. He shared his background and who he was, what he wanted to get out of the experience, and that he was excited to be there. As the week went on I was in awe of Jack and how much knowledge he had and how well he spoke. One thing that stuck out to me that first week was that he acted like he wanted to be my friend, even though I was shy.

Two people down on my right was a guy by the name of Adam Kline. He was from Canada, eh! If I thought Jack was brilliant Adam was right there with him step for step. I was slowly sinking down into my seat knowing that I was way out of my game and comfort zone. I felt like I was back in college swimming in the deep water doing all I could to keep treading water, trying not to drown.

Being in the room with these two guys made me understand how far I needed to go and yet I was drawn to them because of the wisdom and knowledge that they had. I would write down things that they would say and bounce questions at them when I did not feel like a scared kid, lost in the cornfields of my family farm.

I would come to find out that these two guys, along with another friend that joined us later in our journey, would become as close as brothers to me. Walking with each other when we maybe wanted to give up on school, church life, and were worn from the journey.

Jay was that other guy. He was from an earlier cohort and was such a blessing to me. He has encouraged me and taught me how to learn to listen to what God has. I know that he has such a heart for people that he works with. I am glad that God brought him to our group even if he had to wait to graduate.

During that same week, we were introduced to our professors that would be teaching the courses during the semester. Two of the people stood out to me and helped confirm I was in the right place. Sarah and I were in the beginning stages of adoption and when Dr. Schmidt and Dr. Arn shared their lives to us in class it was as if they were sharing only to me. I remember feeling like both of them were sitting down with me speaking right at my heart, letting me know that I was on the right path.

Now at the end of this journey, three and a half years later. 75 credit hours of classes. I have finished...I will graduate with my Mdiv with a specialization in Church Revitalization. I get to help churches that want something fresh from God. I get to help churches dream again. Churches that at one time had a vision and mission for lost people in their community.

I miss my brothers. I miss being online with them. I will miss seeing them on campus, eating meals with them, seeing them face to face and hearing their hearts for God and the lost. Seeing the pain and triumph in their eyes as they share their hearts with the group.I know that we are praying for each other and watching where God is taking us.

I have come to learn that the mark of a great church, school, seminary or whatever, is when you are willing to refer someone there. I can say without a doubt that I would recommend my journey to others. It was not always easy but it was great!!!

I have finished...but now I get to start New Day Consulting...Here we go!

Round #2

As many of you know we are in the waiting stage for round 2 of our adoption. I say this because we are not sure yet what gender or how many babies we will be placed with. This is a really happy, yet uneasy stage for us. I guess the closest thing that I can relate it to would be to be pregnant and yet not know when the due date will be. At some point we will disappear for 7-10 days only to reappear with a larger family.

A few months ago a newsletter from an adoption grant agency came out. They put out a few letters each year and they ask adoptive families to write about their experience. We wrote a piece for it and it was well received. I will post it later. So a few months later another family wrote an article and it went straight to my heart. It broke me down because it was what I will be living in just a few years. The story is about a transracial family with an adopted teenage African American son.

The mother shared her heart and what it is like to watch her son deal with things her other children did not have to deal with or she had to deal with. A few days later I was talking with my father about, I do not remember what. He asked if we had read the article, I told him I had. He shared with me that he had never thought of life being like this. He shared that he could not imagine what it would be like to be with his grandsons in a store to have one treated like that and the other left alone.

I wish that it was more like this. People not seeing color just children, however this is not what it is like. I have had people tell me that it is just in my mind that my family is treated different (negative) at times than other families. Zeke and I were at a local fast food restaurant a few weeks ago. While we were sitting there he started to waive and smile at some of the people near him. He was munching on his fries and burger/chicken strips having a great time with daddy.

Two ladies were sitting right next to us and when Zeke waived to say hi they made eye contact and turned away. Now I know that at times when a child is acting out we ignore them for the sanity of the parents. He was not acting out he was just smiling saying hi and waiving. However these ladies ignored him because of our situation. Just a few moments later a child and his parents (all white) sitting near us had the same interaction with these ladies however they took the time to smile at this family and wave back.

I am not sure if Zeke understood yet what was going on. He just saw someone he wanted to say hi too and was not returned with favor. I looked at Zeke and told him that it is not worth waiving to some people. But that he was a nice boy saying hi to people.

Inside I was so angry and near tears. My thoughts raced back to the article that this mother had written and some of the same emotions flooded back. I wanted to fire this story right away on my blog but waited so that I would not say things that I would regret even though only one or two people even read this anyway.

I do not tell you the story to gain sympathy nor do I tell it to have people run with fear from transracial adoption. I tell you this story because for me (white dad and African American son) it is all to real too often. All parenting has difficult times and difficult moments, this is ours.

I do what I can to not allow the fear of the future stand in the way of my joy today. I cannot tell you of all the love that we have received and kind words that are said. God is amazing and he loves to create stories of families healed and families brought together.

People approaching us to tell us how beautiful we are and that we look very happy as a family. People feeling free to ask tough but fair questions about our path. I love being a Transracial family and we defiantly stand out when we go for walks with a talkative/loving little boy and two insane doxies. I would not have it any other way, God has placed our family together and it is just the best.

I cannot wait for round #2 to be complete and see who God has already chosen for our family. He made a great pick the first time around, I am more than sure that he will do a great job again.

Thanks for following-

RT

P.S. Here is an article Sarah found early this week kinda on this topic. Take a moment to read it through it you have time.

Thankful for Birthmothers today...

Two years ago we received a call that changed our lives. It was 6:30 am and I was wondering why would someone call so early, they better have a good reason. I cannot think of a better reason then what it was. I hope to be awaken soon with another call just like that. Today I will write in my son's birthday journal for more on that you can click this link and read a guest blog I wrote: Birthday Journal

For today I am thankful for birthmothers that give out of love. Who chose life rather than death. Some claim that "these people" are selfish. Who chose to PLACE not give up their children for adoption. I cannot think of anything more SELFLESS then when they think of a child before themselves. People have made a lot of odd, mean, and downright stupid comments to us in the past two years. I am sure that much of it is based out of ignorance or the idea that they want to know more but do not know what to ask. One thing that people will say is how lucky our son is to have us. I think what they mean to say is "how great God is that he would match us up."

For to say that someone in our situation is lucky displaces God. It puts God is a place that he does not deserve to be in. That He does not have any baring on what happens in my life. Jeremiah 1:5 talks about how "he knew us before he formed us in our mothers womb." That does not seem like chance or luck to me, rather it shows passion and love for someone He created. Mark Zubert, my BWW buddy, shared with us during our first adoption that God had already chosen a child just for us. That is not luck, that is passion and love for his creation.

I will never forget the tears that we cried basically all day on the 28th, two years ago. It was the beginning of a long journey that we had been on and we knew that God had something great for us. Pray for birthmothers today because they need it more than you might know. I have learned that you never know who you will come in contact with so be ready to share your story. One of our friends is a birthmother and we feel a special bond with her. We shared our story with her not knowing what she had been through and getting to know her has been healing for us.

I will write in his journal today with tears and joy. Writing of all the things that we have went through this year, trying to explain as best I can so that one day when he gets it he will know how deep our love has been for him. He will know just how much we prayed for him. He is loved from so many sides. He will know his story.

But today we pray for birthmothers everywhere, but especially ours and our future birthmothers we will have. They have a decision to make that will change lives. Pray that God gives them support all around their decision.

Thanks for reading-

Ryan

The Journey Part 2: Show us your glory, send down your presence.

It has been a while since my last post. I was trying as I might to focus on my last full semester. This does not mean that my classes are done, I have four left this summer so it will be busy for us. This has been a great month for us. God has been so good to us. On May 7th our homestudy was official, we had to do a second fingerprinting so it took almost a month longer than it should have.

We finished our first round of fundraiser and are putting the puzzle together. This has been so helpful for us as we pay for the different adoption expenses that come our way. We ask that you keep praying for us as we apply for grants, talk with different agencies, and listen to what God has for us. Please be in prayer for the birth family as they make a enormous decision on where to place their baby. God loves and care for this family and we ask that you pray with us for this family. Many of these mothers are making a few choices adoption, abortion, or parent the child. We pray that as we prepare not only for the next few months of the adoption procedure that you would also be in prayer for the placement, that it would go smoothly and God would be given the glory.

The next step for us in the adoption journey is that we wait for news. We are printing off our paperwork and our photo books to send to adoption agencies in the next weeks. Applying for grants and doing more fundraising. One of the grants that we hope for is a matching grant. We did this last time and we were able to raise almost $7,000. They do not give you an outright grant like others but they tell you that they will match dollar for dollar up to $3,000 and any donation that is given and it is tax deductible for the donaters . This was such a blessing for us last time. Any amount given over the $3,000 will still be given to you it will just not be matched.

Sarah and I were driving home last night, we were using the last of my birthday food coupons. That day I had prepared two different adoption files to go out in the mail and was waiting on three more from different places to gather the stuff again and send it out. As I was driving The song Show me your Glory, by Third Day came on the radio. I welled up a little bit because the thought came over me that we have been seeing the glory of God again during our latest adoption journey. (FYI I caught myself before it got bad, I had the idea that if Sarah caught me crying I would tell her I poked myself in the eye.)

People have given out of themselves and for some they like the widow who had just two pennies do not have much at all. People have meet needs of ours when we had no idea God was preparing something for us. In the next months we are going to need God to show up and show off in our lives. He will need to break into our lives to show us his glory. There are going to be times when we will just spend most of the day crying because of different heartbreak and trials. In those times I pray that God will show us his glory. There will be times when we will have to make a decision in 1 hour if we adopt a certain child or not. In those times I pray that God will show us his glory.

There will be times when we will not be sure we can go any farther because of the heartbreak we see in the face of the birthfamily. In those times we need God to show his glory, and send down his presence more than ever. Then the time will come when we say yes to our future child(ren) and we are parents again to a baby(ies) that God has already chosen before hand for us. In that time we will need God to show us his glory, and be present in our lives. We will get a phone call that we need to come right now to go pick up our newest family member(s), scramble to find flights, find a car, places to stay, and people to care for us. At that point we have caught a glimpse of God's splendor. At that moment we will never be the same again, we will run around like chickens with no heads.

As the song says, I cannot go on without you. That is what is IN THE END. In the end we as a family cannot go anywhere without you. I have been having the song playing on in the background of this song for the last 20 minutes as I type. Since we have started the adoption process I have noticed God has continued to show me that, yes I CAN go on without him, but we do not WANT to go without Him.Why would I?

He created me for something more than that. He created me for relationships and so we thank you over and over for blessing us with your prayers, with kind words, and friendships. I have found out that one never knows why God places people on our hearts. Some of you have sent private messages via text, email, Facebook, twitter, and snail mail. At those moments God has been needed the most.

Thank you for your support. In THOSE times we need God to show his glory and send down his presence.

Ryan