Post placement/Early months
As hard as the first two parts of this were to write this last one might be the hardest. It is hard because so many people have been kind and caring toward our family during our journey. During our son's stay in the NICU it was so hard and difficult mostly because there was not really an end in sight at times. One of those days had a remarkable ending that only God could put together.
I do not remember the day of the week but I do remember it being one of the more difficult three day stretches that we had in the NICU. It was not that our son was sick or doing bad it was a combination of him being in there, us missing home, and all the adoption stuff that drives you crazy. As we were leaving I looked over I could tell that Sarah had a particularly bad day. We got into the car and drove back very quite. Sarah said that she was going to go to the room if I would go to the lobby for plates and silverware. She hit the elevator before I did and as I was waiting there a lady came to get on with me. We smiled at each other and she told me that I had the right idea in having food here rather than ordering out. I smiled and told her that we were here from out of town picking up our son. She smiled and I am sure she could tell I was tired and worn down. We got on the elevator and she shared that she had adopted her daughter from overseas.
I will never forget what she did and said next. It still makes me cry thinking about it. She looked me in the eyes and said that when she got her daughter they had to wait 3 months before they could go pick her up. She said that it was such a struggle to wait for her and that all adoptive families will struggle and today, now, this was ours. She told me that she would be praying for us. She asked our name so she could pray for us. Now I ask you, what are the chances that in a 7 story hotel that a lady would get on at the same time as me, ride to the same floor, and speak love and grace into broken hearts like ours? I tell you that they are pretty good when you serve a God that cares and loves for you. That is just one of the stories that we remember from our time in the NICU in which God showed up and showed off for his people.
After we left the hospital and started home it has been something that I have really enjoyed. The craziness of flying with a two week old and having two guys sitting next to us, and that one had been adopted and was from Staples, MN (right near where my family was from) and the other that had adopted, not taking no for an answer and carrying our stuff off the plane for us when we got to MN. These were small things when you look back but at the time when you have never had a child, never flown with a newborn, and are still out of your own in having been on the road for two weeks it means the world to you.
In some states you have a window of time in which the BM of BF can decide to parent. We were lucky and our BM chose to go with Utah law which is only 24 hours after birth and termination at the time of signing. This was a blessing for us because we did not have this hanging over us once we got home. We were able to learn to be a family together.
Home
Being a father for the first time was something that I will never forget. But there were times where I/we would get odd looks (some say it was my beard). It took almost 1 full year of being a family before a stranger commented towards my son and I in a positive way. A lady came up to me when I was at a grocery store with my son. She told me how beautiful he was and how happy we looked together. We chatted for a moment and then we went on our way. I guess as a father I was unaware of how we would be looked at till we were there. I think that for some people it is just a point of not knowing or being ignorant of what it is like. I love to share our story with people because it is a story of how God loves his people and loves to create our families if we let him. Whether it is biological creation or adoptive creation I suggest you allow God to be the one to guide you.
These three posts have been much longer than what I had thought they would be but I hope that God will use our story to help write yours.
Ryan Trosen
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
What is the Journey like? Part 2
Getting Matched and Meeting the Child
I was not sure how to react to this. I talked with a few people that had adopted and asked them how this was for them. You are placing yourself out there hoping that you are good enough. Will they like me? What if I say the wrong thing? These are thoughts that are running through my head. For us we looked at so many situations, some of them we were very close to saying yes to but in the end we did not feel the peace of God allowing us to move forward.
The first situation we said yes to the birthmother that was from Georgia. She was due to have a boy at the end of June. I cannot tell you exactly why we said yes to have our profile shown to her but I can say that there was a peace in the situation. Something was there and calm for us and we knew that we were free to say yes. That was on a Friday morning and we were told that we should hear something by Monday either way. The birthmother was going to be shown 6 families in total and so we knew that at least we were one of 6 families that had a chance to be the forever family for this little boy.
I do not remember the time on that Monday that we got the call but I remember that my heart sank. All weekend we had been thinking of names and looking at flight information and hotel stuff. But we got a call that Monday letting us know that she had chosen someone else. The one thing that we did not want to happen was to get to high or to low on any one case. But it was the first time we had said yes and so it was a little heart breaking to say the least. We went about our day like normal we received another one or two situations over the next two days.
The Call
It was a Wednesday around 5 or so. Sarah had just gotten off of work and I did not have youth group that night as I had decided months ago that we would have it as a off week. My phone rang and as I looked to pick it up I noticed it was the case worker from Utah that we had been working with. I answered the phone and after hello's were exchanged she told us that we had been picked by the BM. I will not go into the details but she asked us if we would be open to an interview with her. We agreed and hung up the phone. What had just happened?
Later that night as we sat on the couch waiting for the phone to ring I was wondering what we would talk about? This is a person that is trying to decide if you should adopt their child. No matter what someone says BM love their children more than anyone can imagine. Some people will tear her down and destroy her for placing her child up for adoption. But this is love more than some parents every give their child. The phone rang...am I going to be a father to this child? Part way through the conversation of getting to know each other and sharing about our families she asked us if we knew her baby was a boy. We said yes that we did know. She then asked if we had picked out any names yet. We told her that we had four names picked out two boys and two girl names. She asked us if we would be willing share our boy names with her. We told her that we were looking at Ezekiel Herman, Herman after my grandfather who had past away and Titus Allen. It was almost like you could hear her smile on the phone. She said that she had been thinking of the name Ezekiel as well and really liked it.
Stunned is to small of a word to describe how we felt. What are the chances that of all the names that could be chosen for a boy that two people would have that as their top name? All I know is that it was a God thing for us. Sarah and I both started to smile and if I remember right one of us or both of us started to cry a little. Towards the end of the conversation it started to tail off. Then she asked her case worker, I am not sure how this goes now? And her case worker said it is up to you. OK she said. Ryan and Sarah would you like to adopt my little boy. AHHHHH!!! The tears started to flow and we said yes. We set up another phone call for after her next check up. We hung up the phone and just hugged each other. After all the wait we were going to be a family with a child. We called our parents and family. And others cried and rejoiced with us as we shared the news with them over the next few days and weeks.
Our son was supposed to be born at the end of June and so we started to get things ready. From getting the crib put together and his room all set up and then packing his diaper bag. During this time there was this little feeling in the back of my mind that there is a chance that she could chose to parent the child. If she did we would be back to the beginning and our hearts which had started to bond with this child would be broken.
The Sunday before Memorial day in 2012 Sarah decided to pack the travel diaper bag just to have it ready. I told her that she was crazy because we had a month to get it ready. The next morning around 6:30 my phone rang. I wondered who was calling me that early, I did not recognize the number but answered it anyway. It was a case worker with the Utah adoption agency letting us know that our BM had gone into labor and was at the hospital. Sarah says that I said, "Are you serious" and that was when she knew he was coming. We raced to get tickets, a car, a hotel, and a ride to the airport all in 4 hours or and pack for either 7 days or 2 weeks. It ended up being 17 nights in the hotel.
We arrived at the hospital just about an hour after he had been born. We raced around the hospital looking for him and the BM. We found the BM and her family and they brought us to where he was at. I can remember falling in love with him again the moment we saw him for the first time. It was nothing like I had ever experienced and it is hard to explain. Over the next 17 days we had so many ups and downs but through the whole experience God was there with us.
It was day three or four of being down there, Zeke had been moved to the NICU because of some of the things going on. It was our first day of it just being the three of us. Sarah and I went out to have lunch and sat down at a deli down the street from the hospital. Sitting there looking at my food it was the first time that I remember it hitting me that I was a father. I was responsible for a child. I stared to tear up and would not look at Sarah for a moment. She of course saw what was happening and she started to cry as well. That was it, the first time I knew I was a father. After the struggles we had been through and the struggles we were going to be going through I knew right there that I was a father and my life would never be the same.
Again I want to say that each story is different...Bur the author of our stories is the same. We chose to step out and allow God to write our story the one that he wanted to the whole time, we just had to allow him to do it. This is part of the story but it is not the whole story. When we left the hotel....
I was not sure how to react to this. I talked with a few people that had adopted and asked them how this was for them. You are placing yourself out there hoping that you are good enough. Will they like me? What if I say the wrong thing? These are thoughts that are running through my head. For us we looked at so many situations, some of them we were very close to saying yes to but in the end we did not feel the peace of God allowing us to move forward.
The first situation we said yes to the birthmother that was from Georgia. She was due to have a boy at the end of June. I cannot tell you exactly why we said yes to have our profile shown to her but I can say that there was a peace in the situation. Something was there and calm for us and we knew that we were free to say yes. That was on a Friday morning and we were told that we should hear something by Monday either way. The birthmother was going to be shown 6 families in total and so we knew that at least we were one of 6 families that had a chance to be the forever family for this little boy.
I do not remember the time on that Monday that we got the call but I remember that my heart sank. All weekend we had been thinking of names and looking at flight information and hotel stuff. But we got a call that Monday letting us know that she had chosen someone else. The one thing that we did not want to happen was to get to high or to low on any one case. But it was the first time we had said yes and so it was a little heart breaking to say the least. We went about our day like normal we received another one or two situations over the next two days.
The Call
It was a Wednesday around 5 or so. Sarah had just gotten off of work and I did not have youth group that night as I had decided months ago that we would have it as a off week. My phone rang and as I looked to pick it up I noticed it was the case worker from Utah that we had been working with. I answered the phone and after hello's were exchanged she told us that we had been picked by the BM. I will not go into the details but she asked us if we would be open to an interview with her. We agreed and hung up the phone. What had just happened?
Later that night as we sat on the couch waiting for the phone to ring I was wondering what we would talk about? This is a person that is trying to decide if you should adopt their child. No matter what someone says BM love their children more than anyone can imagine. Some people will tear her down and destroy her for placing her child up for adoption. But this is love more than some parents every give their child. The phone rang...am I going to be a father to this child? Part way through the conversation of getting to know each other and sharing about our families she asked us if we knew her baby was a boy. We said yes that we did know. She then asked if we had picked out any names yet. We told her that we had four names picked out two boys and two girl names. She asked us if we would be willing share our boy names with her. We told her that we were looking at Ezekiel Herman, Herman after my grandfather who had past away and Titus Allen. It was almost like you could hear her smile on the phone. She said that she had been thinking of the name Ezekiel as well and really liked it.
Stunned is to small of a word to describe how we felt. What are the chances that of all the names that could be chosen for a boy that two people would have that as their top name? All I know is that it was a God thing for us. Sarah and I both started to smile and if I remember right one of us or both of us started to cry a little. Towards the end of the conversation it started to tail off. Then she asked her case worker, I am not sure how this goes now? And her case worker said it is up to you. OK she said. Ryan and Sarah would you like to adopt my little boy. AHHHHH!!! The tears started to flow and we said yes. We set up another phone call for after her next check up. We hung up the phone and just hugged each other. After all the wait we were going to be a family with a child. We called our parents and family. And others cried and rejoiced with us as we shared the news with them over the next few days and weeks.
Our son was supposed to be born at the end of June and so we started to get things ready. From getting the crib put together and his room all set up and then packing his diaper bag. During this time there was this little feeling in the back of my mind that there is a chance that she could chose to parent the child. If she did we would be back to the beginning and our hearts which had started to bond with this child would be broken.
The Sunday before Memorial day in 2012 Sarah decided to pack the travel diaper bag just to have it ready. I told her that she was crazy because we had a month to get it ready. The next morning around 6:30 my phone rang. I wondered who was calling me that early, I did not recognize the number but answered it anyway. It was a case worker with the Utah adoption agency letting us know that our BM had gone into labor and was at the hospital. Sarah says that I said, "Are you serious" and that was when she knew he was coming. We raced to get tickets, a car, a hotel, and a ride to the airport all in 4 hours or and pack for either 7 days or 2 weeks. It ended up being 17 nights in the hotel.
We arrived at the hospital just about an hour after he had been born. We raced around the hospital looking for him and the BM. We found the BM and her family and they brought us to where he was at. I can remember falling in love with him again the moment we saw him for the first time. It was nothing like I had ever experienced and it is hard to explain. Over the next 17 days we had so many ups and downs but through the whole experience God was there with us.
It was day three or four of being down there, Zeke had been moved to the NICU because of some of the things going on. It was our first day of it just being the three of us. Sarah and I went out to have lunch and sat down at a deli down the street from the hospital. Sitting there looking at my food it was the first time that I remember it hitting me that I was a father. I was responsible for a child. I stared to tear up and would not look at Sarah for a moment. She of course saw what was happening and she started to cry as well. That was it, the first time I knew I was a father. After the struggles we had been through and the struggles we were going to be going through I knew right there that I was a father and my life would never be the same.
Again I want to say that each story is different...Bur the author of our stories is the same. We chose to step out and allow God to write our story the one that he wanted to the whole time, we just had to allow him to do it. This is part of the story but it is not the whole story. When we left the hotel....
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
What is the journey like? Part 1
I was asked recently what the journey of adoption was like. There are so many ways that I can tell you about this. One thing that I have noticed is that there is not very much information or background on the story from an adoptive father's perspective. That was hard for me because the books that we read, the blogs that we would read, and the people we talked to many of the sources were written by adoptive mothers.
As I am thinking about how to write this I feel that it would be good to break it down into three areas application/situations, getting matched/meeting the child, and post placement/early months. So here we go, I hope that if you are thinking about adoption this might help or if you know someone who has adopted this might help you understand them a little better.
Application and Situations
Imagine if you are wanting to get pregnant but before you can do this you need to have a background check, submit a application in which you need to tell them about your medical history, financial background, and job situation. Are you good enough? Do you pass all the needed steps in order to be a good parent? Then you have to do a homestudy in which someone comes out to your house looks around and talks to you and your spouse to see how you to interact with each other.
Now I understand why they do this because not all people should adopt. Not that it is an elite club or anything but some people are not wired to adopt a child. Could you imagine though if each parent had to go through this before they were allowed to have a child? When going through this I just would think to myself that this was the process for us to be a family and I wanted to use it as a time for my wife and I to grow stronger and get to know each other better.
So after all is said and done you have a packet given to you that tells you all about yourself and your family. How you would raise a child and how each of you relates to the other. This was very interesting to read through and insightful to have an outsiders view of your marriage and family.
Next is the situation phase and this is fun yet very emotionally draining. Once you have your funds and homestudy completed you can start to receive different potential adoption situations. I remember our first situation that we received it was around 6 in the morning and I had not been up all that long and I checked my email. I had a message that was from our case worker. It was about a child that was going to be born in one week and had not been matched with a family yet. As I scrambled to wake up and run down to talk to Sarah my mind was racing with all that needed to be done. We had to pray it through and seek what God has for us, all in about 3 hours. In the end we said no because we did not feel the peace in it.
So this is what we had going for us for the next 4 months. Waiting for your phone to buzz to say you have a email. You check the email to find that it is a situation detailing another birthmother and her child. We had anywhere from a day to 1 hour to pray it through and sense God's leading. One thing that we decide to do was set up a list of things that were our (as Terri Comfort would say) deal breakers. Things that we knew that if the things were in the paperwork from the birthmother we would say no. For some of the cases that we received it was easier to say no to them but I remember a number of cases that we looked at that really pushed us to the brink of saying yes too. But in the end we did not have a peace from God that would allow us to say yes to them. I remember looking them over and thinking can I father this child?
It remember getting a few different situations and getting really emotional because I started to bond with a child that I was only reading about. I think that this happened because I was reading of a child that was in need of a father. It broke my heart to know that I was saying no to a child that was in need. I did not want to say no to any of the kids and wondered if every time I said no to these children was I saying no to something that God had for us. A friend of mine shared something with me that really broke me and set my heart anew. He said, "Ryan, God has already chosen a child for you. He has just the right child picked out for you." The idea of this put heart at ease as much as it could.
Throughout the next 2 months we kept getting emails and phone calls of potential babies for us to look over. It was in April and I was packing my bags to go on a youth event with our church. We had gotten a few cases over the last two or three weeks that were so close to what we felt God had for us. Sarah made the comment that since I was going to be gone for three days that we better not get the situation God had for us. Of course this is what happened right? On the trip down we received an email of a baby boy in Georgia. Of course my phone did not have any reception so when we stopped my phone start to buzz with calls and text messages from Sarah trying to get a hold of me. As I raced around the campus trying to get coverage long enough to download the paperwork to read over I kept thinking of course this would happen when I am in Kansas and Sarah was home in Minnesota.
After reading it all over, praying about it, and talking it over together we said that we wanted our profile shown to this birthmother. This was the first time that we had ever said yes to any birthmother so we did not know what was going to happen. I remember for the next 5 days or so I could not get this little Georgia boy out of my mind. Names kept coming to mind and it was hard to get things done. What kind of father would I be? Would he love me? Would he bond with us? How would I support Sarah as a new mother? It was like we had taken a pregnancy test and were waiting for the results for the last 4 months. Knowing that the answer was coming but we did not know when. This is part 1 the rest of the story will continue later...
As I am thinking about how to write this I feel that it would be good to break it down into three areas application/situations, getting matched/meeting the child, and post placement/early months. So here we go, I hope that if you are thinking about adoption this might help or if you know someone who has adopted this might help you understand them a little better.
Application and Situations
Imagine if you are wanting to get pregnant but before you can do this you need to have a background check, submit a application in which you need to tell them about your medical history, financial background, and job situation. Are you good enough? Do you pass all the needed steps in order to be a good parent? Then you have to do a homestudy in which someone comes out to your house looks around and talks to you and your spouse to see how you to interact with each other.
Now I understand why they do this because not all people should adopt. Not that it is an elite club or anything but some people are not wired to adopt a child. Could you imagine though if each parent had to go through this before they were allowed to have a child? When going through this I just would think to myself that this was the process for us to be a family and I wanted to use it as a time for my wife and I to grow stronger and get to know each other better.
So after all is said and done you have a packet given to you that tells you all about yourself and your family. How you would raise a child and how each of you relates to the other. This was very interesting to read through and insightful to have an outsiders view of your marriage and family.
Next is the situation phase and this is fun yet very emotionally draining. Once you have your funds and homestudy completed you can start to receive different potential adoption situations. I remember our first situation that we received it was around 6 in the morning and I had not been up all that long and I checked my email. I had a message that was from our case worker. It was about a child that was going to be born in one week and had not been matched with a family yet. As I scrambled to wake up and run down to talk to Sarah my mind was racing with all that needed to be done. We had to pray it through and seek what God has for us, all in about 3 hours. In the end we said no because we did not feel the peace in it.
So this is what we had going for us for the next 4 months. Waiting for your phone to buzz to say you have a email. You check the email to find that it is a situation detailing another birthmother and her child. We had anywhere from a day to 1 hour to pray it through and sense God's leading. One thing that we decide to do was set up a list of things that were our (as Terri Comfort would say) deal breakers. Things that we knew that if the things were in the paperwork from the birthmother we would say no. For some of the cases that we received it was easier to say no to them but I remember a number of cases that we looked at that really pushed us to the brink of saying yes too. But in the end we did not have a peace from God that would allow us to say yes to them. I remember looking them over and thinking can I father this child?
It remember getting a few different situations and getting really emotional because I started to bond with a child that I was only reading about. I think that this happened because I was reading of a child that was in need of a father. It broke my heart to know that I was saying no to a child that was in need. I did not want to say no to any of the kids and wondered if every time I said no to these children was I saying no to something that God had for us. A friend of mine shared something with me that really broke me and set my heart anew. He said, "Ryan, God has already chosen a child for you. He has just the right child picked out for you." The idea of this put heart at ease as much as it could.
Throughout the next 2 months we kept getting emails and phone calls of potential babies for us to look over. It was in April and I was packing my bags to go on a youth event with our church. We had gotten a few cases over the last two or three weeks that were so close to what we felt God had for us. Sarah made the comment that since I was going to be gone for three days that we better not get the situation God had for us. Of course this is what happened right? On the trip down we received an email of a baby boy in Georgia. Of course my phone did not have any reception so when we stopped my phone start to buzz with calls and text messages from Sarah trying to get a hold of me. As I raced around the campus trying to get coverage long enough to download the paperwork to read over I kept thinking of course this would happen when I am in Kansas and Sarah was home in Minnesota.
After reading it all over, praying about it, and talking it over together we said that we wanted our profile shown to this birthmother. This was the first time that we had ever said yes to any birthmother so we did not know what was going to happen. I remember for the next 5 days or so I could not get this little Georgia boy out of my mind. Names kept coming to mind and it was hard to get things done. What kind of father would I be? Would he love me? Would he bond with us? How would I support Sarah as a new mother? It was like we had taken a pregnancy test and were waiting for the results for the last 4 months. Knowing that the answer was coming but we did not know when. This is part 1 the rest of the story will continue later...
Monday, January 27, 2014
Our story
In December we were asked by The Micah Fund to share our story for their newsletter. We put something together and submitted it for their paper. This past week it was put out in their letter and it was really cool to see our story out in the public. At the beginning both Sarah and I had said that we wanted to help people if they had questions. We were willing to share what we went through and how we got there to those that might be searching for some answers or just needing someone to speak grace and hope into their situation like we had people do for us.
Last Friday we received an email telling us that someone had read our story and wanted to contact us to talk more about what we had went through and who we used. I can say that I was surprised and honored that God would let us be used to help another couple. For those that did not get a chance to read some of what we have went through you can read it here from a post when we were the Featured Family by GCAA.
https://www.facebook.com/GodsChildrenAdoptionAgencyInc
Go down till you see a funny looking guy with an awesome beard.
Our son is almost two years old now and I cannot imagine a better match that God had in place for us. I pray that our story can be used to help others that are in need. Life is tough and things do not always go the way that WE want them too. We have had people try and bring our spirit down and our experience down over the last three or so years. What I try and remember is that sometimes people say things in hurtful ways because they are in pain themselves. Our story is what we have experienced and dealt with what has God done for you?
Last Friday we received an email telling us that someone had read our story and wanted to contact us to talk more about what we had went through and who we used. I can say that I was surprised and honored that God would let us be used to help another couple. For those that did not get a chance to read some of what we have went through you can read it here from a post when we were the Featured Family by GCAA.
https://www.facebook.com/GodsChildrenAdoptionAgencyInc
Go down till you see a funny looking guy with an awesome beard.
Our son is almost two years old now and I cannot imagine a better match that God had in place for us. I pray that our story can be used to help others that are in need. Life is tough and things do not always go the way that WE want them too. We have had people try and bring our spirit down and our experience down over the last three or so years. What I try and remember is that sometimes people say things in hurtful ways because they are in pain themselves. Our story is what we have experienced and dealt with what has God done for you?
Thursday, November 7, 2013
New Season or just recycling?
So often I hear the idea that God is bringing someone into a new season of their life. And I have been one of the people that have used this thought as well. But more recently I think that God has been recycling me through things. He seems to give me similar tests as I have been through before. He places the same things on my heart and we start another journey that we have done before. We have been an official adoptive family for over 17 months now. Zeke man was born May 28th and his GOTCHA day was December 14th of last year. It is amazing that it has been 18 months since we found out about Ezekiel but I do believe that God had him placed for us in January 10th of 2012 when our homestudy was done.
We got a call this week from a adoption grant that we used, asking if we would be willing to share our story this year in their newsletter. So this is something new for us but I know that we are excited to share what God did for us and where he showed up when we needed him the most. So as the end of the year hits I wonder if God will bring us a new season into our lives or if he will recycle old dreams and passions again. Maybe I hope for both. I know that God gives me new visions and passions and I know that God will recycle these old amazing passions and dreams that he placed in our lives before.
What am I saying? Most of the time I have no idea and neither does my wife or son. Is it ok if God does not tell us what is next on the journey? Dennis F. Kinlaw shares in his book: Preaching in the Spirit,
"So Abram went out not knowing where he was going, but knowing with WHOM he was going. For a long time I wanted God to show me his will so I could decide whether I liked it or not. Yet each time God said, 'I'm not interested in what you think about my will as much as I am in what you think of me. I don't want you to walk with my will, I want you to walk with me."
I just want to walk with God. I do not need to know his will, as hard as that is at times.
We got a call this week from a adoption grant that we used, asking if we would be willing to share our story this year in their newsletter. So this is something new for us but I know that we are excited to share what God did for us and where he showed up when we needed him the most. So as the end of the year hits I wonder if God will bring us a new season into our lives or if he will recycle old dreams and passions again. Maybe I hope for both. I know that God gives me new visions and passions and I know that God will recycle these old amazing passions and dreams that he placed in our lives before.
What am I saying? Most of the time I have no idea and neither does my wife or son. Is it ok if God does not tell us what is next on the journey? Dennis F. Kinlaw shares in his book: Preaching in the Spirit,
"So Abram went out not knowing where he was going, but knowing with WHOM he was going. For a long time I wanted God to show me his will so I could decide whether I liked it or not. Yet each time God said, 'I'm not interested in what you think about my will as much as I am in what you think of me. I don't want you to walk with my will, I want you to walk with me."
I just want to walk with God. I do not need to know his will, as hard as that is at times.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Vertical
I am in the process of reading a book for fun. The odd thing of this is that I am doing this while reading around 8-10 other books for my classes. But as I am reading this I was struck with the idea that I am not seeking God like I need to be. I am not so excited to get to church to meet God and see what he has for me. Some of this comes back to knowing that I will not always be in the adult service because I have the chance to be with my wife and the kids upstairs. But when I do get a chance and know that I will be in the adult service I do get excited. I am so ready to experience what God has for me.
I look at the other adults as they come into the church and I wonder are they excited to be here? Are they ready to experience God today? The thing that hurts is that some of the people I see walk into church look hurt and tired. Looking as though they have had a rough week and need some healing from God. That is still vertical. Whether we are coming to church looking for God to meet us because we are so excited or we are looking to meet with God because we are so tired and weary and just need to be loved on, we are there for God.
I pray that we have God meet us in a fresh and new way. The author shares at the end of one of the chapters, "What they (the people in our church or outside of it) need is to be set free from themselves with finality and to be lost in the awesome wonder of the manifest presence of God."
What would happen if we prayed for this in our churches? We have a prayer time on Wednesday's at our church and what if more people came for this prayer time? What if this prayer time turned our community into a place of revival and would not let our church leave. We have been looking at moving to a new location but maybe it is not time to leave because the community would not miss us yet? Could you imagine a church that had such an impact on its community that they begged the church not to move but rather plant another church in that town.
"My heart is that your palms would get sweaty and your heart would beat faster because you knew God was waiting to meet with you and those you love most in all the world." -Vertical Church
I look at the other adults as they come into the church and I wonder are they excited to be here? Are they ready to experience God today? The thing that hurts is that some of the people I see walk into church look hurt and tired. Looking as though they have had a rough week and need some healing from God. That is still vertical. Whether we are coming to church looking for God to meet us because we are so excited or we are looking to meet with God because we are so tired and weary and just need to be loved on, we are there for God.
I pray that we have God meet us in a fresh and new way. The author shares at the end of one of the chapters, "What they (the people in our church or outside of it) need is to be set free from themselves with finality and to be lost in the awesome wonder of the manifest presence of God."
What would happen if we prayed for this in our churches? We have a prayer time on Wednesday's at our church and what if more people came for this prayer time? What if this prayer time turned our community into a place of revival and would not let our church leave. We have been looking at moving to a new location but maybe it is not time to leave because the community would not miss us yet? Could you imagine a church that had such an impact on its community that they begged the church not to move but rather plant another church in that town.
"My heart is that your palms would get sweaty and your heart would beat faster because you knew God was waiting to meet with you and those you love most in all the world." -Vertical Church
Friday, August 16, 2013
NEW Today!!
I was so blessed to have a chance to go down to my classes almost two weeks ago. The drive is so long and it takes so much of my time to get there but the best part of my drive is that I get to spend it with God and myself. There are no distractions (other than bad traffic) while I drive. I had a few bumps in the road getting there i.e. no cruse, no 12V outlets that work, and bad radio. But this gave me a greater chance of staying awake and also to bring grace to those involved in the car rental.
Once down there I have the chance to not only catch up with those that I am online with for the past 9 months or so but also I have the chance to be blessed by some great professors. To have these people pray for us, care for us, and share in our ministry struggle is something that has brought great passion and joy in my personal life.
In the past three years I have had such a great time getting to know around 10 or so people from different church denominations. The blessing comes when these people share in your life. They share in your ministry, they share in your family, and they share in your personal struggles. It is amazing how God knows who you need and how that person can be a blessing in your life.
Blessings all over! I cannot wait for the last year of my schooling. I struggle to think that I am almost done and am sad that there is a chance many of these people may drop out of my life and ministry circles. But God will bring new people into my path.
Once down there I have the chance to not only catch up with those that I am online with for the past 9 months or so but also I have the chance to be blessed by some great professors. To have these people pray for us, care for us, and share in our ministry struggle is something that has brought great passion and joy in my personal life.
In the past three years I have had such a great time getting to know around 10 or so people from different church denominations. The blessing comes when these people share in your life. They share in your ministry, they share in your family, and they share in your personal struggles. It is amazing how God knows who you need and how that person can be a blessing in your life.
Blessings all over! I cannot wait for the last year of my schooling. I struggle to think that I am almost done and am sad that there is a chance many of these people may drop out of my life and ministry circles. But God will bring new people into my path.
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