As many of you know we are in the waiting stage for round 2 of our adoption. I say this because we are not sure yet what gender or how many babies we will be placed with. This is a really happy, yet uneasy stage for us. I guess the closest thing that I can relate it to would be to be pregnant and yet not know when the due date will be. At some point we will disappear for 7-10 days only to reappear with a larger family.
A few months ago a newsletter from an adoption grant agency came out. They put out a few letters each year and they ask adoptive families to write about their experience. We wrote a piece for it and it was well received. I will post it later. So a few months later another family wrote an article and it went straight to my heart. It broke me down because it was what I will be living in just a few years. The story is about a transracial family with an adopted teenage African American son.
The mother shared her heart and what it is like to watch her son deal with things her other children did not have to deal with or she had to deal with. A few days later I was talking with my father about, I do not remember what. He asked if we had read the article, I told him I had. He shared with me that he had never thought of life being like this. He shared that he could not imagine what it would be like to be with his grandsons in a store to have one treated like that and the other left alone.
I wish that it was more like this. People not seeing color just children, however this is not what it is like. I have had people tell me that it is just in my mind that my family is treated different (negative) at times than other families. Zeke and I were at a local fast food restaurant a few weeks ago. While we were sitting there he started to waive and smile at some of the people near him. He was munching on his fries and burger/chicken strips having a great time with daddy.
Two ladies were sitting right next to us and when Zeke waived to say hi they made eye contact and turned away. Now I know that at times when a child is acting out we ignore them for the sanity of the parents. He was not acting out he was just smiling saying hi and waiving. However these ladies ignored him because of our situation. Just a few moments later a child and his parents (all white) sitting near us had the same interaction with these ladies however they took the time to smile at this family and wave back.
I am not sure if Zeke understood yet what was going on. He just saw someone he wanted to say hi too and was not returned with favor. I looked at Zeke and told him that it is not worth waiving to some people. But that he was a nice boy saying hi to people.
Inside I was so angry and near tears. My thoughts raced back to the article that this mother had written and some of the same emotions flooded back. I wanted to fire this story right away on my blog but waited so that I would not say things that I would regret even though only one or two people even read this anyway.
I do not tell you the story to gain sympathy nor do I tell it to have people run with fear from transracial adoption. I tell you this story because for me (white dad and African American son) it is all to real too often. All parenting has difficult times and difficult moments, this is ours.
I do what I can to not allow the fear of the future stand in the way of my joy today. I cannot tell you of all the love that we have received and kind words that are said. God is amazing and he loves to create stories of families healed and families brought together.
People approaching us to tell us how beautiful we are and that we look very happy as a family. People feeling free to ask tough but fair questions about our path. I love being a Transracial family and we defiantly stand out when we go for walks with a talkative/loving little boy and two insane doxies. I would not have it any other way, God has placed our family together and it is just the best.
I cannot wait for round #2 to be complete and see who God has already chosen for our family. He made a great pick the first time around, I am more than sure that he will do a great job again.
Thanks for following-
RT
P.S. Here is an article Sarah found early this week kinda on this topic. Take a moment to read it through it you have time.
